(Graphic is the Apostle Peter raising Tabitha from the dead. From a mid 12th century mosaic in the Palatine Chapel in Palermo, Italy)
Lectionary Reading - Acts 9:36-43 (NRSV)
Now in Joppa there was a disciple whose name was Tabitha, which in Greek is Dorcas. She was devoted to good works and acts of charity. At that time she became ill and died. When they had washed her, they laid her in a room upstairs. Since Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples, who heard that Peter was there, sent two men to him with the request, "Please come to us without delay."
So Peter got up and went with them; and when he arrived, they took him to the room upstairs. All the widows stood beside him, weeping and showing tunics and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was with them.
Peter put all of them outside, and then he knelt down and prayed. He turned to the body and said, "Tabitha, get up." Then she opened her eyes, and seeing Peter, she sat up. He gave her his hand and helped her up. Then calling the saints and widows, he showed her to be alive.
This became known throughout Joppa, and many believed in the Lord. Meanwhile he stayed in Joppa for some time with a certain Simon, a tanner.
Tabitha and Nellie
Though I would hardly consider her a regular churchgoer, Nellie Peters was a person of deep and abiding faith who routinely provided healing ministry as a psychiatric nurse. I know since I had the privilege of working side by side with her for nearly five years in an adult day treatment program.
In several ways, Nellie’s life had parallels to Tabitha who is considered the patron saint of seamstresses and tailors. The parallel is that these women served the poor and poor in spirit and while Tabitha knit and tailored garments to help such persons, Nellie wove damaged psyches back together. And if another parallel could be drawn, it would be that irrepressible spirits inhabited both ladies. Death couldn’t stop Tabitha, at least the first time around. As for Nellie, those who tried to oppress life and lives would have to deal with her. For me, Nellie’s courage in that way was an example for me as she always did right by others rather than doing what was convenient or what seemed the path of least resistance. Nellie would let you know what she was thinking and was perfectly comfortable doing so. As one psychologist put it, “Nearly everyone would say that Nellie is the most actualized person they’ve ever known.”
What that meant is that Nellie was formidable, but in the most positive sense. She loved people more than life itself. She was brilliant and incredibly skilled as a clinician. She had a phenomenal sense of humor coupled with boundless energy. Any person stuck in the sickening narcissistic rut of needing to prove herself or himself found Nellie the ultimate threat and obstacle. Why? Because Nellie was entirely comfortable in her own skin; she would speak freely and frankly as to what she thought you were doing or up to and whether or not it was in the best interest of others. If you had ulterior motives that needed the light of day – even motives outside of your awareness – you can bet Nellie would let you know. So for those who had ears to hear, Nellie offered a wisdom and way of being that helped people come home to themselves in order to be the best kind of individual possible for blessing the lives of others. In short, Nellie was a force to be reckoned with and the sooner you realized it, the better your life was for it. Truly the grace of Christ resided with her though attending Catholic Mass was a limited to a few times a year.
Perhaps the day that those insights came home most to me most was during a session with the parents of one of our day treatment attendees. This particular person, Rick (not his real name), had made little progress in our program. He had come to us for follow-up services after a recent hospitalization. He suffered with severe anxiety and compulsive hand-washing which prevented this bright and likeable young adult from pursuing his college studies. As was often the case in situations when someone wasn’t improving in treatment, we asked family members to visit with us regarding the home and family situation since in Rick’s case he was living at home with his parents. In our session with Rick’s parents, it didn’t take long to see what contributed to Rick’s anxiety. His father was arrogant, disrespectful, and spoke poorly of his son. For her part, Rick’s mother sat in silence and rarely looked at anyone or said anything. Soon in our conversation, it became that the father ruled his wife’s and son’s lives through belligerence and intimidation and given his immense size, I sensed that disobeying him could be frightening.
But the question had to be stated and when the timing seemed best, I said, “Has your son ever disobeyed you, ever gone against your wishes?” The man became enraged and viciousness took over his expression as he belittled me. I nearly thought he would come out of his chair at me given the evil that came over him. Caught completely off guard by the man’s intensity, I responded by saying, “I’m simply asking a question.” But the man continued to rage at how I dared to ask such things and that his son would never think of going against him.
Fogged and nearly immobilized from my lack of anticipating the man’s anger, Nellie stepped in. Relaxed and straightforwardly she asked, “Do you think your son is afraid of you?” In that moment, the man nearly stopped dead in his tracks, “What did you say?” Nellie replied, “I asked if you think your son is afraid of you.”
Coming out of my fog, it appeared as though the possibility had never crossed the man’s mind. With his gaze now on Nellie, she then said, “I ask this because I think that your son is quite frightened of you. And if a man is frightened of the persons who are suppose to be the closest to him, then he’s going to be frightened of nearly everything else in life and he will not be able to cope.”
Something at that point seemed to soften in the man and eventually we were able to move the session toward a positive and productive end with hopes for improving the home environment. I don’t remember that Rick ever completed treatment successfully. The anxiety and obsessive compulsive behaviors had already etched themselves so deeply into the man’s psyche and physiology that available treatments at the time may not have been very helpful. Hopefully, as time has gone along, Rick has been able to benefit from the treatment advances that have occurred since then.
But what made Nellie my Tabitha that day was our conversation together as we debriefed the session with Rick’s parents. Being upset with myself for failing to anticipate how the father’s anger and evil could overtake me, I asked Nellie how she managed to be so composed and relaxed while I had been so overwhelmed. Simply but gently she said, “I knew that we had to get his mind thinking about something else, but you also did what needed to be done which is that you asked the question that needed stating and now we know why Rick is so troubled.” Nellie and I talked quite a while longer about the father’s bullying nature, the cowardice and feelings of inadequacy that underpinned it, and quite likely the lack of good role models in the father’s own life.
As a young clinician with limited experience at that time, it proved to be an important learning opportunity. Long and short of it, I came away from that conversation with Nellie understanding whole new dimensions related to anger and intense emotions. Those have since taught me not to fear these things but to welcome and appreciate them as part of the healing work we do in God’s name, i.e. allowing those feelings their place and time and presence whenever and wherever they weave themselves into the fabric of our lives. May you learn the same capacity for yourself but never be victim to the abuse itself is my hope and prayer this week.
